


And You'll Need Him

by acidicgoth



Category: Blink-182
Genre: 9/11, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-10
Updated: 2013-03-10
Packaged: 2017-12-04 21:20:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/715222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acidicgoth/pseuds/acidicgoth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mark once said that when you die, he believes you become a star. A star that will only belong to one person. It’ll be there when you need it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And You'll Need Him

"When a house has just lost its soul, a stricken silence falls over the sudden emptiness that no one will fill again. And all the noises that may be made later in that house will be like a scandalous din, ugly echoes from one room to another, from one corridor to another, sharp and discordant as if the walls are no longer able to absorb any music once the source of harmony has been taken away."  
\- Pierre Magnan, The Messengers of Death

———-

Mark once said that when you die, he believes you become a star. A star that will only belong to one person. It’ll be there when you need it. That’s why on some nights, the night sky is full of stars, because somewhere, someone will need them. He said he’s sure that when you find the star, you’ll know, it’ll be the brightest and it’ll be just for you. Shooting stars are when the living person has died, and the star comes down for them, because it doesn’t need to waiting and watching in the sky anymore. That sometimes when a star turns into a black hole it's because the living is strong enough that it no longer needs the star.  
And on that night, as you both lay under the stars that shine for other people, you’ll realise you’re in love with him.

———-

He’ll ring you up, he’ll tell you to turn on the television, he’s asking you what you see. You’ll loose the power the speak, you’ll sit and cry to him, you’ll tell him to get out of there now, he’ll tell you he’ll be fine and he’ll ring you up when he’s out.

———-

Marks standing there by the doorway, he’s laughing at your stupid dance moves. His eyes crinkle at the corners and you have never seen anything as beautiful. He holds out his hand, “C’mere” and you do, you’ll always go to him when he asks. You dance together, you teach him your dance moves. And you’ll laugh when he nearly breaks his ankles. And you’ll hold him when he nearly falls. 

———-

You’re sat on the floor, craning your neck to look up at the television. The phones in your hand. Your shaking, you watch the second plane. The air rushes out you’re lungs. The camera man is shaking and the news reported is crying. You pray, you’ve never prayed before, you don’t even believe, but you pray and you’re begging him to save them, to save him.

———-

It’s the first night in the new house, you wake up alone, it’s dark outside but you don‘t panic because you hear it. He’s downstairs, his guitar echoes along the walls. He’s singing softy. “And if a ten ton truck, kills the both of us, to die by your side, well the pleasure, the privilege is mine” You didn’t intend to fall back to sleep, but you do, and when you wake, he’s there. He’s laid next to you, he’s stroking your hair and humming. You pretend to be asleep, but he knows, he always knows.

———-

The phone will ring and you take a deep breath before answering. He’s telling you to stay strong. You don’t understand why he isn’t out. He’ll tell you he’s sorry. You’ll scream at him, you’ll order him to leave. You’ll tell him about the other tower. He’ll tell you that he saw. You’re words aren’t making sense. You’re begging him to get out but he just keeps apologizing. 

———-

It’s his birthday and you wrote him a letter, you wrote down everything. You told him to open it after the party, he promised to obey.  
Mark is standing in the corner, his eyes are red, he’s sad and you feel helpless. You see the letter in his hand and the blood rushes to your face, he wasn’t meant to be crying. His eyes meet yours and less then two paces away, your lips meet his. Everyone clapped, said it was about time, you didn’t care and neither did he, the timing was perfect.

———-

Mark tells you that you were the best thing to ever happen to him, and you’re not ready for the goodbyes. “I love you” he says and you say it back. You see someone jumping and you shout down the phone, you beg him again, you tell him to keep trying but he won’t. It’s not because he doesn’t love you, it’s not because there’s no way. It’s because he knows that it won’t make a difference. He’s prepared to die and you’re not prepared to let him. He tells you to go look at the stars tonight, he promises he'll be waiting.

———-

You slam the door behind you and you hate him, he’s kicking and cursing in the other room. You was selfish, he said, he was a cunt, you told him. He comes in the room and you look him in the eyes and you love him. He tells you he’s sorry and you hold him. You tell him you’re sorry and he kisses you. 

———-

You watch it fall and it takes Mark down with it.  
You watch the smoke.  
You watch people run.  
You watch it drag him down.  
You’re not breathing anymore.

———-

The room is quiet now, the television is muted, you’re still holding the phone. You’re waiting for the phone call saying he’s okay, but it’s dark outside now and the television replays the same clips. The only sound is your heavy breathing and it’s all wrong. You should be able to hear the guitar, Marks soothing voice accommodating it. But you don’t and you never will. You feel lost and helpless and you're nothing.

———-

You do what you said you would, you lay down under the stars, and you see it. That one star that glows brighter than the rest, and you’ll be damned, because that’s him. You’re smiling and you’re waving, you don’t care how ridiculous you look because you feel safe. You promise yourself, and you promise him, that you will never let his glow dimmer and he will never turn into a black hole. You’ll always need him and you’ll always love him.


End file.
